What I know is that I haven't been painting, writing, etc. It seems all of my creative energy is trapped inside and not yet ready to come out. I am doing all of the "taking in" instead by getting lost in stories. I love stories. Even the fluffy romance novels I began reading as a kid. Not the trashy kind of novel, but the feel-good mass market romances with hints of supernatural things and a strong plot line. Those are my favorite. I've also been watching movies and catching up some tv.
This is certainly some kind of escape mechanism, because I not only watch/read these things but find myself daydreaming about them later. Can anyone deliver Tom Welling to my house wrapped in a big red bow and nothing else? But I digress. Or do I? Aren't these daydreams ways that my subconcious mind is trying to tell me that I'm missing something in my life? Or is it just as simple as the fanciful thoughts of a woman who has always had her head shoved up in the nimbus?
So what I am trying to escape from? Or am I really trying to escape at all? Could it be that there are things I am nourishing that are just not ready to be born yet? There are pregnancies all around me lately. Maybe this is my way of sympathizing, albeit subconsciously. Maybe after a rough year a whole new me is about to come into the world; fresh and new and ready to meet all the challenges that life tends to toss out.
What you are getting here are little insights into the workings of my mind. I didn't plan this post. It just showed up here on the screen spontaneously. The mind at work is fueled by the Goddess and her lessons. There are few things in my life that are not influenced by her. This makes perfect sense. The way a person thinks and what a person believes is the driving force behind their actions and decisions.
So what I see after typing all this out is that the Mother aspect of the Goddess has settled in over me and I will soon be rebirthing myself into something different; into someone I need to be. And suddenly I am excited about such a prospect and looking forward to the days ahead. Look out world. Here I come.
Pic: my feet in my old brown boots (complete with paint drippings) and a lovely little daisy growing all by itself in my back lawn.
6 comments:
What a beautiful post! I have just recently learned the value of just putting down whatever pops into my head, without any editing or to much thinking about it first. It is surprising how often people identify with what you say, even when you're really just thinking aloud.
Thanks Debi. It took me a long time to get to the point of just being able to type things out. But now I have come to think of Panthea as a place where I can do that. And sometimes it really helps me figure stuff out. I guess sometimes it's hard to pour yourself onto a page because there is always fear of someone judging you. At the same we then continue to be alone in the things we feel - and so do others without being able to see that someone else feels the same way they do. Glad to see there is another Goddessian blogger out there who can speak her mind freely. :)
Oh it's taken me a while to get to that point, too - a point where I don't police everything I publish and worry about what people will think. I used to run a more political-type blog and was constantly aware of the possible reactions to things I was saying, and when you think like that, it alters what you say, so that you are often not being totally honest. Nowadays I just try to click on the "publish" button quickly before I can talk myself out of it!
Thanks for the blogroll add by the way! :-D xx
I can only share with you my own experiences. I find that just before I get a REAL creative outburst, there is this introspective period of almost quiet solitude and then suddenly the creativity comes bubbling forth. I think it is part of the creative process for some. If you don't reflect, how can you grow?
Sorry, I posted the comment above...don't know why it didn't take my name. I probably forgot to click a box. :)
Thanks Jett. I feel that there is something just about to bubble up. I know the slump is ending.
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